Safe Hartselle Spokesman Provides Logic for Going Wet

Once again, the Hartselle Enquirer is highlighting meetings of the moral busybodies who wish to continue Hartselle’s alcohol prohibition. Virtually every paragraph in the one-sided article contains hours of blog fodder, but I’m only intending to stick to one paragraph, as it hits especially close to my heart (and lungs).

As many of you know, I was in a terrible automobile accident almost a year ago. By terrible, I’m talking about broken arm, concussion, crushed foot and crushed chest serious. Virtually every rib and my sternum broken serious. Multiple chest tubes (I lost count of how many overall but I remember four at one time,  heard one became dislodged during air evacuation) serious. Having to remove a piece of my lung serious. Passing out from the pain time and time again despite the pain meds they had me on serious. One of the most painful operations, as noted in medical textbooks, from which to recover serious. Wheelchairs and walkers for months on end serious. Still in serious pain every hour of every day serious.

Back to the article:

Bo Johnson, a retired teacher and school administrator, concluded the rally by relating his experience of being hit by a drunk driver while walking in his neighborhood Nov. 3, 2006. He sustained a broken clavicle and broken ankle, underwent surgery to repair his broken bones and spend more than two months in rehab and recovery in a wheelchair.

Whoa! It’s time to rein in this horse of logical inconsistencies.

The last time I checked, Hartselle was dry in 2006. So what bearing would his accident have on this debate? Obviously, he is implying that alcohol caused or contributed to his injuries.

Some will argue that there are less drunk drivers on the road when people can purchase alcohol near their home, but I’ll leave that debate up to the statisticians.

Since the alcohol obviously wasn’t purchased in town, does he also think we should totally outlaw adult beverages in the wet towns in Morgan County? How about the whole state? The country? We already tried that out once, but it didn’t work out so well, huh?

And what about the illegal booze which would suddenly become prominent if we outlaw all of it? Is someone driving under the influence of moonshine less dangerous than someone drinking a glass of wine with dinner? Maybe he’d like us to outlaw illegal booze, as well.

And if it is causality he is after, shouldn’t we outlaw automobiles, too?

Johnson presumably thinks that because he was hit by a drunk driver, alcohol sales in Hartselle should continue to be outlawed.

According to the police investigators, the guy who caused the accident I was in hadn’t been drinking.

Let’s apply the same erroneous logic to my case: Because I was hit by a sober driver, alcohol sales in Hartselle should become mandatory.

And if Johnson wishes to use his “broken clavicle and broken ankle” to make his case, I figure I’m holding much more than a simple pair in my hand.

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With two major logical inconsistencies in the two sentences I quoted, it makes one wonder why the Enquirer journalist didn’t call him out on it. One also wonders why the paper hasn’t covered meetings of the coalition of people who’d like to move Hartselle past the 1930s. One also wonders why someone with the same name as the journalist was mentioned as being honored for the role he “played in preventing the legal sale of alcoholic beverages in Hartselle since 2002″ with no appropriate disclaimers or explanations. Just sayin’…

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I was interviewed by a national television news program and quoted by multiple national newspapers as well as Chris Matthews about political pandering last week, as Mitt Romney and his suddenly Southern diet was considered national news by both the left and the right. When the other side has to resort to pandering to make an appeal to restrict the rights of Hartselle citizens and business owners, it shows they’ve run out of rational thought on the topic. When people stoop to the level of using personal tragedy to play on people’s emotions, especially when there is no causality involved, it becomes the worst sort of pandering.

I’ll be more than happy to debate this topic with Mr. Johnson in a public forum. He can bring his wheelchair; I’ll bring my brain.